Listening is an important part of our communication (and thus engineering) toolset that, as I am sure many have experienced, often we or others forget to use. There are many benefits to using this tool. I had hoped to make my point with the title, but I didn’t think it was enough so I made the image above. As they say a picture says a thousand words and was hoping that an animated one would say slightly more and therefore I could avoid writing that much.
…and yes I know that sometimes they are missing an ear. Also it loops so you might have caught it in the middle. Also, I suspect I might not have been as clear as I wanted. Alas, back to the writing.
The first thing I discovered was people really like to talk; so it makes sense that we, (or someone at least) should listen to them. Secondly a conversation is an exchange between at least two people involving two actions at the most basic level, speaking and listening. Therefore, there are ways of doing both effectively and not so effectively. So, if one person is talking and the other is only sort of listening it’s more like one and a half people are talking. Going back to the toolset analogy, while speaking might be likened to a hammer (somehow), listening is more like a shovel; it lets you dig beneath the surface to get some indication of what’s really going on, and in general know more about the person you are listening to than you knew before. My experiment with listening, involved a conversation with my next door neighbor (actually it was more like pure luck as we just ran into each other) that lasted just about the 45 minutes required and it was interesting. It also wasn’t easy.
Not reaching quick judgments (if any) and suspending one’s own thoughts on the matter being discussed requires a huge amount of self-control and I found I have to continually be aware of my instincts. The conversation covered a variety of topics of common interest but in order to practice empathetic methods of listening, I generally let him do most of the talking. I noticed that the setting of the conversation also has an impact. Since we were standing in the hall way there were distractions abound and these have the most destructive effect on conversation; a single distraction for the shortest time can smash the flow of conversation, like throwing a large boulder into a smoothly flowing river. Something I noticed about myself, a possible area of improvement, was that when genuinely and especially keen about what was being said I felt the urge to interject my own thoughts and had to fight it to hold myself back. Had I interrupted, the flow of the conversation would be broken and I would have missed a lot of information. This brings me to the main point.
Listening gives you invaluable information about the other person and about yourself. Listening empathetically, carefully, means When the other person is speaking its entirely about themselves and you ‘re entirely absorbed in what they are saying, in my opinion, in some small way you become the other person because, to truly make a connection requires a degree of sincerity and trust on both sides. Not only are you able to observe from the outside through body language, which for example, makes it clear when the other person is uncomfortable, but also are able to observe them from the inside through their thoughts. I feel that Not only was I able to learn more about my neighbor but also improve my ability to observe and reason by processing their thoughts. As engineers, form previous assignment we know what we do depends on good communication, and this depends on interaction with other people, and this in turn makes observation skills and information priceless.
A conversation is a two way thing in two ways; you learn, they learn, you share, they share, and It is a unique and invaluable opportunity, if the other party is willing to talk and you are willing to listen well, it is a chance to step into another person’s mind and see their world.
Some things I find are needed to listen empathetically:
Curiosity
Asking both specific and open-ended questions
Who are you listening to?-be attuned to verbal and nonverbal indications, e.g. the tone of their voice and various body language.
Act in a manner so that you add value to their points
When you disagree, instead of criticizing find alternatives or common ground.
Also, I hope it wasn’t too much trouble to read this very long blog; I was on a roll…
I really like your quote and your picture. You're right a picture is worth a thousand words! I really liked your toolset analogy. It provides a good visual for speaking and listening. I agree that fluidity in a conversation is key, but I believe some interjections are necessary to bring about deeper thought. If one's ideas are challenged, they put more thought into it thus solidifying their beliefs/ideas. I'm glad you were able to get to know your neighbor a bit more. I wonder if you focused on improving your listening skills in this conversation or just noted how important it is to have such skills. What sorts of questions did you ask? How did this improve your conversation? What sort of body language did you notice? I'm glad you learned about listening skills, I was just hoping to hear more about how this conversation improved them for you.
ReplyDeleteAnant,
ReplyDeleteThe first thing that I want to say is that after doing this assignment, I too realized that people love to talk and have their thoughts heard. I guess this is why you feel closer to someone who listens well to you. I really liked your hammer and shovel analogy, it helped to explain the concept well. Also, you made a good point about the surroundings and setting of the conversation. Though I still wonder how much of a role body language plays when talking casually to a friend. Just like you mentioned, I too find it difficult to not interrupt people while they talk. I loved the paragraph where you explained that a conversation is a two way thing. You description of what is needed to listen empathetically is also good. I think you could add enthusiasm and attention to that list.
I really enjoyed reading this post, it was very well written. Also, the animated picture in th beginning really caught my attention.
Shivam Kundan
Anant,
ReplyDeleteI'll forgive your long post simply because yes you were on a roll there :) You made a lot of good points and I loved how you related listening and speaking to hammers and rivers and all kinds of different images (the river one made the most sense to me). I really liked your quote and your animation is pretty cool. Another way you went out of your way to illustrate your point, I approve!
You had some really good insight when it came to distractions and our instinct to interject. I encountered some of the same problems when I was talking to my friend for my part of the assignment. It's really hard to try to ignore those feelings of saying what YOU want to say, which sometimes can change the flow of the conversation completely. Just how distractions can throw us off as well. I think we just take listening for granted and forget how much work it takes to actually do it fully and properly.
Anyways, I'm not sure I really have much more to say. I really did enjoy your post.
HAPPY FRIDAY!
Interesting graph!
ReplyDeleteYes,I do find people more love to express their ideas than listen to others. I strongly agree with you about the listening and speaking should be combined together in order to make our conversation be more effective.
I do have same problem when people said a good point,I tried to interrupt and deliver my point,i know,this is not a good habit.
So,I am strongly agree with you about when you interrupt people,you will miss important information.
So,my question is when is the time you think you can comment on speaker's speech or ask speaker question? If you ask it at the end of conversation.it will lost the context of the question
Thank you!